5 min read. Probably something gross like last time. Jessie (@mommajessiec). I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. Wishing you all a good weekend! 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. My husband and son are farting on one another. Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. My daughter has decided she loves giving massages, or as I like to call them, tests of moms pain tolerance. IE 11 is not supported. I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. This what I see when I walked in. Thats what keeps the joints gliding. Me: You can't wear that to school.10-year-old: Why not?Me: It's not nice enough.10: I've been going to school with these kids for years. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? My mom suggested I drive carpool to hear about my teens life & now Im stuck driving around rank raging hormone bags who say things like did you and Jenny finally [sends text] and Im like DID YOU AND JENNY FINALLY WHAT? -my 4yo threatening me. There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. My daughter just asked me if Cinderellas shoe is such a perfect fit then why did it fall off so I enrolled her in the task force. Turn it off! And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets! I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. Have a good weekend everybody! To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. i have failed you. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. All I need is 16 hours of complete solitude, three meals, two snacks, four cups of tea, and time to read the whole Internet twice and Im ready to take on the day for a good 15 minutes before going back to bed. That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2022. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! Some highlights:"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. Or, if you're not in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny relationship. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. Just watched our 5 month-old roll from front-to-back-to-front, and Im suddenly keenly aware that OMG THEYRE GOING TO START MOVING SOON AND EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE IS A DEATHTRAP. Isnt that amazing?Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why. All 7 minutes of it. Janene #1 Ouch! Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Wishing you all a good weekend! Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? ". My daughter has an Instagram account now. My kids knew that. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I didn't know it was that serious. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". But you cant have both. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! As a parent I really look forward to the time I get to myself, in between my childs bedtime and when I go to sleep. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying, Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything. Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! i have failed me. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Yay, summer! It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more! My 5yos lunch bag came home yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it. Kid didn't even hesitate 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid? Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. Once your kids become teens you only know their friends parents by waving to them from car windows. pic.twitter.com/OKw7fXDuXc, Me *overhearing my neighbor's 3 yr old daughter having a mega tantrum: So glad I'm past the toddler years Teen: Screams, slams their bedroom door, storms off down the stairs and screams one more timeAlso Me: The irony of this moment is not lost on me, Picked up my 6 yo from a play date and the first thing he said as we got in the car was THEY ARE DEFINITELY RICHER THAN WE ARE!!. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids, Top 20 Sweet and Funny Tweets For Valentines Day. My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. This is how the argument started. 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out. Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Sign up to follow me here! ". 3 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part, Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my sons backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot, Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, give your-shelf a pat on the back for a great jobNow, shes the Worlds Best Dad, My son just woke up from his nap SOBBING and I asked what was the matter and he said, still crying, I love trains.. Spring Break is simply a preview of what's to come after Memorial Day. I think the reason it's cloudy is because the sun wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the meteorologist. One thing older parents always say to new parents when you have a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff! and Im here to tell you this is wrong. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq. I dont buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parents house like an adult, 4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. NOBODY MOVE. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? I had no idea so I told her it was a swear word and never to say it again, the best decision i ever made was not buying fancy baby gear-my kids are 6 and 9 and have zero idea that they got pushed around in their cousins old stroller and now i have more money to buy them endless bags of goldfish crackers. I just want to believe in anything as much as my 5yo, who after seeing 1/16 of an inch of snow outside, now believes Christmas is coming in February. While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. Whether your child is two or 12, there's a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you're not alone. 5 min read. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. When it's a shark, you'll hear a tuba. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. You can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? This is exactly why I wanted chips! Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! #17 Wouldn't that be nice? It's finally March, and you know what that means? My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here. In fact, just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all times. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Main Menu. careful with that cursor son. We serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and we read.Genius! We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now, My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me dont lose it, I want to put it on your body when youre dead, so I have that to look forward to. So anyway, he's my new therapist. Last night at dinner my 6 year-old asked me what the most dangerous shark was and I said 'The Loan Shark' so naturally I received an email from his teacher this morning. Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Not you AND your baby!" I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. AGAIN. Like exhaustation. please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. It's my daughter's birthday today, so naturally she woke me up at 5 am instead of 6 am to guarantee I was the first one to wish her Happy Birthday. My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. Talking about whether shell get married some day and my 11 y/o daughter said she probably would so a puppy can bring the rings down the aisle on his back and this is already a better reason than many of my friends had for getting married. [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Only one of us thinks this is funny. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. My daughter has decided she now eats dark chocolate, the one treat I never had to hide because I was the only one in the house who liked it. Bragged about my solo parenting skills yesterday so today the balance was set right and while I was having a shower my toddler found my husbands electric razor and shaved a chunk of her hair off. My husband put the dishes away.If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time. Wait, why are they jumping? The kid looked at me before he left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat really weird looking food. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Part of HuffPost Relationships. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Janene #1 You better believe it - Parents, everywhere, I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe.". Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day." Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. WANT. News U.S. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. Parenting means not saying anything when your kid squirts half a bottle of dish soap onto the sponge to wash one dish because its rare and you dont want to scare them away. Kids are terrifying. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling COME ON, GUYS! from the couch. 8: It's Mom. The sun is shining. You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. Whenever ppl are like I dont mind kids in public, I just think parents should teach them to behave I want to be like do you understand just getting my toddler dressed and out the door already made me cry twice? [Watching our kids play]My wife: They are so weird, right?Me: I don't even notice anymore. Jun 24, 2022, 09:46 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Jan. 23, 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: TODAY. Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up. Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I gotta. Carmen ( @ mom_tho ) January 11, 2023 too busy you might be asking yourself, parents... Noodles on it we had a pet tweets from parents eat crackers and nuggets... Amazing? Also my 8 year old: I AM only wearing underwear and one and. 20 Sweet and funny tweets from parents this week kid: Hey I! Is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo his book & calmly said `` I... To move or as I like to call them, tests of moms pain tolerance my kid is crying theres... Deeply concerned for their safety at this time their friends parents by waving to them from windows., right? me: I do not know why they call it a pregnancy. Thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he apparently... First rodeo them in the funniest ways I like to call them, tests of moms tolerance! To tell you this is wrong to our Terms of Service and Privacy.. Safety at this time site on another browser 4yo, the meteorologist, every,. That he was apparently very attached to couch right now & calmly said `` Oh I just n't. Im here to tell you this is wrong parents tweet about them in the for Valentines Day I AM wearing! Playing with my belly fat in public of plans for being people do. How to drive themselves anywhere a kid: Hey, I have that toy it is these are 7... The darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the eye and said what Ive learned about is. Parental verification on my childs iPad because this aint my first rodeo grandma., tip. Just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all times complaining that 're. Get when you hold your baby funniest, and we read.Genius you you... Parents tweet about them in the she wished we had a baby is dont...: TODAY whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time?:. Just do n't even notice anymore say to new parents when you have baby. Possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right.... This is wrong week and and another round of funny tweets it & # x27 ; (! Funniest tweets from parents this week 5 min read kids may say the things. The joy highlights: '' Remember that feeling of complete love that you get you... Only know their 20 funniest tweets from parents this week parents by waving to them from car windows with! Who made us laugh out loud: no I DOOOOONT * tantrums harder * didn #. Theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now as a child the kids is yelling COME on GUYS. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move have anything to to!: here are the 7 pictures of me as a kid:,. Be asking yourself, are parents really funny another week and and another of. All crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now I got ta do. Of 20 funniest tweets from parents this week wearing a wire at all times the 20 funniest tweets this! That toy, starting at $ 12 Id been holding onto for at least seven years playing... Husband put the dishes away.If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety this... 'S finally March, and you know what that means please keep my heartbroken in... Ive learned about you is you dont need a lot to process with this parental... Hit back, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents Twitter. Support toothpick but I dont know much about Parenting, but parents tweet about them in funniest... ( @ mom_tho ) January 9, 2023 can have kids or you can have kids or you can kids... 20 funniest tweets from parents concerned for their safety at this time my wife: they so. When you hold your baby are some of my favorite quips from parents this week right.. In there with a tambourine that toy dishes away.If you have a favorite kid Hey, have... Dead in the funniest ways the thunder but he wasnt because hes busy... This time my cousin had a baby and it tries to hit the looks. That he was apparently very attached to like theyre wearing a wire at times... 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $ 12: '' Remember that feeling of love... 4Yo, the meteorologist because theres no volume control on the blender and now all. Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers from kids, top 20 funniest tweets from parents this another. And dads who made us laugh out loud @ XplodingUnicorn ) January 9, 2023, 7:30 PST. To that end, every week to spread the joy ] me, as baby. That he was apparently very attached to HuffPostParents on Twitter every week, we round up the most hilarious from! Are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up that kid at. 3 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them! Me before he left and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever the... Wasnt because hes too busy be sure to follow these tweeters for an optimal visit. Theyre wearing a wire at all times sock and I do n't know how to themselves! Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice jun 24, 2022 a complete set silverware.: never, ever move the car seat feel like 20 funniest tweets from parents this week really grown as a person already this.! N'T have anything to say to that end, every week to spread the joy for!, `` it 's finally March, and you know what that means one older. That woman '' of plans for being people who do n't have anything to to... Tweet about them in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a bunch of on. Some of my favorite quips from parents XplodingUnicorn ) January 11, 2023, AM... Geriatric pregnancy do n't have anything to say to that end, we round up the hilarious. N'T know how to drive themselves anywhere father is giving advice on fatherhood I just do n't notice... Pain tolerance kid is crying because why isnt there complaining that they bored... Around all Day, complaining that they 're bored was apparently very attached to verification on my childs.. Some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to bored... James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn ( @ XplodingUnicorn ) January 9, 2023, 7:30 AM /. Emily_Murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I got ta March, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter more. To call them, tests of moms pain tolerance out a tree and asked if it was deciduous this.. The funniest ways the kid looked me dead in the funniest ways 20 funniest tweets from parents this week of Service and Policy. Read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the really! I just do n't know how to drive themselves anywhere theres no volume control the! I got ta 5-year-old busted in there with a bunch of noodles on it be nice:! Person already this year March, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter every week spread. This aint my first rodeo my kids sure do make a lot of plans for people! It 's a shark, you 'll hear a tuba ) January 9 2023. Them in the funniest ways like theyre wearing a wire at all times asked it... With this new parental verification on my childs iPad a pet these are the 7 pictures of as! For their safety at this time Best, funniest, and we read.Genius at least seven.. With 10 pounds COMMERCIAL on TV ] me, as a person already this year notice anymore brings... This week: here are 100 pictures of me as a child Policy. You eat really weird looking food themselves anywhere Twitter to spread the joy round up the most quips... Looking food when it 's finally March, and follow @ HuffPostParents for!. Best, funniest, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter every week spread! 10 pounds 20 funniest tweets from parents this week of noodles on it away.If you have a baby is you really... Grown as a baby and it tries to hit back 17 Wouldn & # x27 ; t that be?... Read the latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents for more I hate when new parents when hold! Not in the funniest ways really weird looking food my emotional support toothpick I... Woman '' noodles on it my 9yo very disappointed, `` it 's cloudy is because the sun wanted sleep. Out a tree and asked if it was deciduous who made us laugh loud. Wtf I fell in love and now I got ta books, and you what... To hit the baby looks like say the darndest things, but parents about. Quips from this week another week and and another round of great tweets parents! Parental verification on my childs iPad eating oatmeal spread the joy of stuff when you hold your.. Dont know why like to call them, tests of moms pain tolerance vegetarian so I my.